A Peptalk To Myself

Amy,

I have been sitting here for the last few hours, starring at my screen, trying to think of how to respond to you. I finally have the words but they are borrowed from your own blog:

"My dear sweet friend had a baby today! A baby! A baby that I helped pray would come for four years! A baby I have fasted for countless times. A baby that has been so wanted, so loved, so anticipated. And he came today! May 15th is a good day. A very good day. Today I thank God for answering their prayers. That baby is a miracle and we all need a good miracle."

Here is proof in your own words that God hears and answers prayers. Could He have answered your friend sooner...1 year, 2 years, 3 years...instead of 4? Yes. Are they good people and did they deserve such a blessing to come sooner? Yes. Were there times that even they thought God had given up on them and they wanted to give up as well? Maybe. But in the end...with all the blood, sweat, tears, prayers, money, procedures, fasting, etc....God answered them with a miracle. It was in His wisdom that it was at that time and in that manner...and no earlier. Will we ever know the wisdom in His timing? Likely not. Maybe that's for God to know only. Or for your friend, her husband and God to know only. Nonetheless, here is just one example that you can trust in God's plan for each one of us...even you.

Amy, it would seem to me that you are doing EVERYTHING that is possible for you to "do your part" to overcome your current trial. God KNOWS this too. This would mean the remainder is in God's hands. He's not holding out on you because He thinks its funny, or because He could careless, He has better things to do or He doesn't know what the solution is. HE KNOWS WHAT TO DO and everything He is doing is in YOUR BEST INTEREST. We are but mere mortals with 99% limited perspective. We need Him for this reason. Trust that He knows what He's doing on your behalf.

It would be easier to give up on Him and doubt everything you've spent a lifetime learning then it would to have faith in Him. It would be easier to be mad at Him too. But ultimately, that is not to His detriment...only yours.

YOU KNOW HE'S THERE...there are examples all around you. Don't dismiss those. Hold on to them in what seems to be these times of "radio silence". When I feel like this, I like to start writing out the blessings that I have received. Or sometimes I think giving service is good because the perspective is completely priceless. There are likely volunteer opportunities all about you that would make you feel gratitude. Maybe you are already doing those and you've got gratitude coming out your ears. But please don't give power to our evil elder brother who seeks to damn your soul with his. He milks these moments for all they are worth. Shut him down. Continue to be steadfast...you are good at consistency. Keep it up.

Lastly, you cannot compare your trials to others. Our trials are gifts to our soul. Yours are for you only, customized for you, by God, to bring precious enlightenment to perfect you in this life because He wants so badly to have you back home with Him. You cannot buy, trade or learn these gifts from anyone else's. There are no cliff notes. They are yours alone. So don't feel foolish because so-and-so has XYZ and you do not. You are trying to apply square pegs to round holes and there is absolutely no logic or gain in that. Again...back off Satan.

I love you. You know all this just as I do and I know that a time will come when I will need a good reminder too and you will give it to me. Don't give up on Him as He has NOT given up on you. I KNOW THIS TO BE TRUE and in your heart of hearts, SO DO YOU.
Amy